Scrambled

To everyone in town Two Guys And A Spatula was a peaceful, 1950’s

themed diner that had, since its opening ten years ago, held its own

against the big box breakfast-all-day restaurants that had popped up

in town. The logo showed two cartoon men, one holding an enormous

egg and the other cracking it with a comically large spatula, the

contents falling into a frying pan. It was indeed a quintessential

ma-and-pa operation, at least from the outside.

However, tension had been building behind the lines of Two Guys for

months. The ‘two guys’, the co-owners, were Nathan and Josh. They

had started the restaurant on a whim right out of college, and its

phenomenal success caught them both off guard. But now Nathan was

ready to branch out from the breakfast-all-day concept but Josh lived

by the adage ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. It started slowly

with backroom squabbling, but escalated over the months no doubt

because the men spent more than ten hours a day working and running

the store in close quarters.

Josh was growing resentful of Nathan who he felt was not only not

putting in as much work as him but was now trying to tinker with Two

Guys, which had been more Josh’s dream than Nathan’s. Nathan, on the

other hand, was offended by Josh’s seemingly senseless opposition to

all of his ideas since the beginning, especially since it was Nathan

who had put up most of the starting cash.

Today was an especially hectic Saturday and the last customers

hadn’t left the diner until nearly ten. Several staff were out with

the flu, and Nathan and Josh had to go out pouring coffee and helping

customers themselves instead of working on payroll and inventory in

the office. When the last staffer was finally out, Josh plopped down

into the chair in the office and let out a resounding sigh. Josh was

36, average height and build but with powerful biceps that bulged his

short-sleeve white button up shirt, the front of which was stained

brown after a run-in with a coffee pot.

Josh ran a hand through this short black hair and looked at the

payroll spreadsheets in front of him. He had fallen behind for the

week, no doubt because of Nathans’ constant skipping out right at

close, and now the files were needed to their accountant by Monday

morning. The task was daunting. Nathan came in about twenty minutes

later, by that time Josh was so involved in his computer screen he

didn’t even look up.

“Hey Nate…”

“Don’t ”Hey Nate” me!” Nathan roared.

Josh closed his laptop in surprise, clearing his view of the door.

Nathan, who was easily a foot taller than Josh and with much more

defined musculature, He didn’t so much ‘wear’ the short sleeve white

shirt and grey slacks that had become their uniform, he modeled it.

The phrase ‘what’s wrong’ only briefly crossed his mind. However,

Nathan’s accusatory tone, to say nothing of the fact he had been

missing in action while there were reports and inventory to do, made

Josh incredibly angry.

“What’s your problem, Nate?” Josh stood up quickly and walked from

behind the desk.

“My problem? It’s you. Acting like you own the place.”

Nathan threw down an invoice which had clearly been fished from the

bottom of a rubbish bin. It was a quote from a printing company for

flyers that read Two Guys And Lunch. Josh looked at the documents

dismissively.

“And? I told you the lunch thing is a non starter…”

“See there you go again! Acting like you’re the only one here. And

don’t think my workers don’t tell me what you say about me to

them…” Nathan bristled as he said the words, taking several steps

forward until he was only a yard away from Josh. Josh instinctively

tried to take a step back but was blocked by the front of the desk.

“Your workers? They’re our workers and you know what? If you don’t

like it you can piss the fuck off.”

Josh’s voice was clear and absolute, The proverbial gloves the two

had been wearing for years were off.

Without warning, Nathan took a step toward Josh, his chest sticking

out like an arrogant bird. Josh tried to take a step back but was

stopped again by the desk.

“Nate, cut it out…”

Nathan’s powerful arms extended so quickly Josh barely got out his

sentence. He shoved Josh, not particularly hard, but with enough

force to cause him to fall back onto the desk. Josh let out a yelp

of surprise, and then several things happened at once. The sound of

glass and plastic breaking interrupted Nathan mid-taunt; the laptop,

loaded with hours of work, had been knocked off the desk. Josh,

realizing what happened, regained his posture and took a large step

toward Nathan so that they were now mere inches from each other.

Despite his larger size, the look of fury in Josh’s eyes was enough

to give Nathan pause. Josh’s biceps and neck muscles trembled in

barely contained hatred and his mouth quivered, his brain unable to

even find words to do justice to his rage. The two had never been

this close to an actual fight…

‘Josh. Josh, I’m so sorry,” Nathan apologized, his voice heavy with

genuine apology. ‘Let me get it for…”

Nathan knelt down to retrieve the in-pieces laptop, but a knee caught Nathan squarely in the crotch before he could act.  Nathan gasped as the air was forced out of his lungs. Josh could feel he

had made a direct hit on one of Nathan’s egg-sized nuts which were

packed close together in his pants. Josh’s knee tore into the

delicate bulge in the front of Nathan’s pants as Nathan’s own weight

falling forward compounded the misery.

‘You son of a bitch!’ Josh screamed lifting his knee into Nathan’s

bulge two more times. Each time he could feel the bulging mass being

flattened against Nate’s pelvic bone. Nathan, in a world of

hurt, would have already been on his knees if it wasn’t for the force

of Josh’s knee bouncing him — by way of his nuts — back to a

hunched over position.

‘You want the computer? You think it matters now?’ Josh spat the

words as Nathan, in too much pain and entirely too taken off guard to

fight back, fell to the floor. Nathan was on all fours clutching his

nuts and crying openly.

‘Josh, stop…’

The babbling pleads were interrupted by the sound of plastic

shattering. Josh had fetched the ruined laptop and had knocked

Nathan in the side of the head with it. Small pieces of the device

went flying and a trickle of blood ran down Nathan’s handsome pain-

 contorted face. He fell backward, landing on the floor spread

eagle. He was beginning to regain his senses but the assault with the

laptop had temporarily dazed him. He looked up in panic and

confusion as Josh stood over him. He knew he had to defend himself

but there was …. or something… maybe… His mind was still too

scrambled to react.

Josh seized on the moment and stomped his dress shoes over and over

into Nathan’s swelling bulge. Nathan writhed and screamed, and

tried to cover his crotch with his hands but Josh simply stomped on

them, causing Nathan to literally crush his own gonads with his

hands. Nathan’s head swirled as he started to crawl on his back out

of the office. Josh took his focus off Nathan’s rapidly enlarging

bulge, now soiled black from the bottom of this shoe, and let a kick

land in Nathan’s stomach. Then a kick along side the head. Nathan

screamed and in a burst of strength lunged up at Josh. Josh, who had

arrogantly assumed he had control of the situation, was taken aback

and the larger man proceeded to press Josh against the desk, raising

his knee into his defenseless eggs.

Nathan’s powerful legs and rock-hard knee delivered blow after blow,

the impacts so hard Josh was literally lifted off the ground. Josh

reached forward and grabbed Nathan’s eyes. His thumbs worked in

synchronized gouging motions. Nathan screamed and let up on his

attack just long enough for Josh to grab the desk phone and slam it

into the side of Nathan’s head. Pieces of plastic exploded

everywhere as the phone fell apart from the blows. It only took six

good hits before there was little left of the phone for Josh to hold

on to. Nathan lunged again, though with much less force and sloppy

aim due to his growing haze. Josh easily pushed Nathan away with a

fist to the nose.

Nathan was spun completely around by the blow, a splatter of blood

following. He started to crawl out of the office on all fours. Josh

though was having no part of it. He let Nathan get to just barely

inside the doorway before casually walking up behind him and letting

his foot sail between Nathan’s legs.

Nathan let out an agonized howl. Josh’s aim had been dead on and his

right nut was flattened violently into his pelvis.

‘Josh…’

Josh ignored Nathan’s whimpered plea and proceeded to kneel down

between Nathan’s muscular legs. He grabbed Nathan’s waist band with

both hands and with a violent motion proceeded to rip his pants down

to his knees.

Nathan collapsed onto his stomach, and Josh quickly rolled him

over. As usual, Nathan wasn’t wearing underwear and his badly

swollen nuts bulged and stretched at his sack. Josh was always

impressed at the size of Nathan’s grade-A sized nuts, which were now

almost twice the size and blue-black in color. Nathan, nearly

comatose from pain, looked down barely comprehending what was

happening. Josh grabbed a ball in each hand and proceeded to

squeeze, making sure each nut was being compressed between a thumb

and the rest of the fingers on the offending hand. Without saying a

word, Josh increased the pressure to just the point where he couldn’t

keep squeezing, then let off, then squeezed. The balls, now blue-

 purple and starting to lose their firmness, were still as far as Josh

could tell in tact.

Nathan’s head fell to the floor with a loud though, his pain stricken

mind no longer able to keep watching this front row seat of his

testicle’s destruction. Josh let go of Nathan’s balls and the

bloated heavy orbs sagged in Nathan’s enormous nut sack. Nathan’s body slumped over, making his balls rest on the floor.   Josh stood

up, lifted his shoe over the bulging defenseless man-eggs and slammed

his foot down. Although he had passed out, Nathan’s face

twitched in agony. The foot slammed down again, and again,

Josh savoring the time between each strike while he lined up his foot

over the shifting target, strategizing his next blow. After four

such full force slams, Josh was sure he had done permanent damage to

Nathan’s manhood. He knelt down and roughly massaged each ball,

feeling for signs that they were no longer firm. To his dismay

Nathan’s balls were still totally intact, and plump. In fact, had it

not been for the severely bruised coloring, Nathan’s package looked

like he was ready to get laid.

Josh stood up fretting, stomping on Nathan’s nuts twice out of sheer

hatred. His eyes lit up from and idea as he was lifting his foot for

a third blow. He left the office and rummaged loudly through the

restaurant. He returned with a bottle of smelling salts from the

emergency first aid kit. He slammed the bottle on the desk as he

headed out for more supplies. He returned a short time later, his

arms loaded with every apron he could grab from the employee lounge.

He tossed them in a pile in the office, covering a still passed out

Nathan, and headed back toward the kitchen. He returned with a small

device that he placed on the desk.

Joshed reached for the pile of aprons and methodically yet quickly

pulled the draw strings from each one until he had several lengths of

what he was going to use as rope. With some effort, Josh was able to

lift Nathan’s dead weight body and plop it down into the chair which

he had dragged into the middle of the office. He tied Nathan to the

chair, making sure to secure his legs wide apart so that his

pendulous, huge nuts hung freely between his legs. Finally he

grabbed the salts and waved them under Nathan’s nose. Nathan arose

with a stir, seemingly more alert than before but still dazed. His

face contorted into panic…

‘Josh? Josh what are you doing? Please man…’

Josh ignored him as his grabbed the final object he had gathered from

the desk. Nathans’ eyes bugged out in absolute terror as he struggled

in vain against his restraints.

‘I wanted you to see this. I wanted you to be awake while we test out

one of your ridiculous ideas…”

Josh held the Egg Scrambler Pro in his hands. It was a tube just

large enough to fit an egg or two in with two paddles that could

rotate with the push of a button. It was advertised as being the

perfect egg scrambler, you simply drop an egg into the compartment,

close the lid and press the button. The rapidly spilling paddles

were, in theory, supposed to crack the egg cleanly then the contents

would ooze into a much smaller second chamber underneath where the

second paddle would scramble them. It looked good on the

infomercial, but in practice the Egg Scrambler Pro actually

decimated the egg shell, meaning small pieces ended up in the mixing

chamber, and by extension, the omelet. Not to mention it took almost a

minute for the egg to seep through to be mixed. It was just too slow

for commercial use, but Nathan had been insistent… now he was going

to get a demonstration.

Josh knelt down and held the Scrambler dangerously close to Nathan’s

hanging nuts. He slapped them several times to get them to swing

causing Nathan to wince and cry. Josh had already placed an egg,

which was actually smaller than Nathan’s right nut, into the chamber

and hit the pulse button. The machine whirred and stopped. The egg

shell hadn’t even been penetrated completely, some of the gooey insides

only barely oozing out.

‘Oops needs another one…’

Josh proceeded to hold the pulse button. Instead of spinning once and

cracking the egg shell, as designed Josh holding the button meant

that the Scrambler’s ‘cracking’ blade spun again and again. It lay

waste to the egg, filling the chamber with pulverized egg shell and

thoroughly scrambled egg.

‘I guess it works. But we should try it again…’

Josh casually dumped the egg matter onto the floor and violently

grabbed Nathan’s pendulous right nut, forcing the oversized thing

into the machine. Nathan screamed and pleaded but Josh just ignored

him as he proceeded to press — and hold — the button.

The ‘cracking’ paddle spun, slamming into Nathan’s egg. But since it

couldn’t go through this ‘egg’, the paddle stopped. Josh, in

frustration switched to pressing the button rapidly instead of

holding it down. Each time the paddle spun is changed directions,

allowing it to slam into each side of Nathan’s ball. Nathan bucked

wildly as he felt the kitchen gadget laying waste to his manhood.

‘Almost scrambled’ Josh declared not even masking his true delight.

After five minuets of the assault Nathan had passed out, the outline

of his pecs visible through his sweat-soaked shirt. Josh threw down

the Scrambler, which cracked into pieces, and

examined Nathan’s right ball. to his surprised, though now twice the

size of the left and not quite as firm, the ball was still intact.

Josh thought about grabbing the salts again to wake Nathan up for a

second round with another Scrambler –Nathan of course bought several

without consulting Josh. However, Josh knelt so that he was eye to

eye with the still passed out Nathan, rose his fist into the air and

let it sail into Nathan’s dangerously close to bursting right nut.

Nathan’s face twitched ever slightly as his giant ball bounced

around. Josh grabbed it with his other hand and again slammed his

fist into it. Nathan’s chest involuntarily heaved as the ball, now

trapped in Josh’s hand and unable to swing away, absorbed the full

force of the blow. Josh wailed again and again and on the third blow

the impact felt very different.

The orb no longer resisted deformation as it began to collapse in its

sack. Wham! Wham! Josh’s fist collided with the failing nut. Josh

thought he heard a faint ’splish’ on the ninth or tenth blow, but he

kept going . The ball no longer plumped back into shape after each

blow, With one final slam Josh was confident that he felt the nut

explode in the sack. He let go of what was left of Nathan’s right

nut and it hung down in the sack next to the left. It had clearly

lost its round shape, and a few subsequent slaps felt like hitting a

sack of mush, not the plump round thing that had once been

Nathan’s egg-sized ball.

Josh, still in a haze of rage, gave Nathan’s face a volley of

punches. Nathan was totally defenseless as his handsome face was

turned into a swollen and bloodied mess. Josh stopped and looked

down at Nathan’s sack… there was still one more egg to crack and

Nathan– to Josh’s surprised — was beginning to stir.

Without hesitating Josh reached for the smelling salts, wafted them

under Nathan’s nose and, as Nathan once again became aware of the

nightmare he was in, Josh made his way to the fry cook’s station…

there would be plenty of spatulas to choose from there he thought.