Gone Fishin' (Illustration Poll Results)

 

The results the archetype poll were quite close but 'Daddy' won by a short margin so here's a little story (and great Whistle illustration) showing a nut-poppin' daddy in action. Enjoy!

Jasper was a laid back, unassuming sixty-three-year-old who spent his days exploring nature around his secluded lakefront cabin. Despite the rapid development happening miles away , Jasper was happy that, at least for now South Lake Nobalz was spared.  The lake didn't have the trendy farm-to-table restaurants, boat rental stands and paved walking trails that nearby North Lake Nobalz had so Jasper was rarely  bothered by tourists, and the few that found the tranquil spot were mostly respectful.

The seclusion of the lake meant that young punks would sometimes show up to blare their music on pontoons, drink and throw their beer cans into the lake, get high or other activities that would have gotten them immediately ticketed or worse on North Lake Nobalz. Jasper had put up a sign along the bank asking boaters to please 'Respect Nature' but that just seemed to make a certain type of young man even more prone to wreak havoc. One day whilst fly fishing, Jasper realized he was exceptionally good at hooking small targets (ironically he was aiming for a beer can bobbing in the water). He was so good at it hat he eventually decided to try a more aggressive approach to bring peace and quiet back to his beloved lake.

Brandon, Colin and Kirk were college freshmen who had rented a small boat in North Lake Nobalz for the day. After finishing a six pack and several shots of vodka they decided to venture into South Lake Nobalz to get away from the playing children and disapproving looks they were getting from blaring the latest R-rated song lyrics on their portable speaker. At first, even the rowdy young men were so awestruck by the beauty of the lake that they turned down the music and stood on their boat in silent reverence. That lasted about thirty seconds.

"Cannon ball!" Brandon ripped off his clothes to show off his tone yet modest body before diving into the water. The lake was so clear his laughing friends could clearly see his ebony body as it went beneath the surface and bobbed back up a moment later. 

They seemed totally oblivious to Jasper who was fly fishing nearby. The old man was glad he was using his specialized rod, though the boys weren't being obnoxious enough to justify using it... yet.

Kirk and Colin got naked too, except for Colin's trusty yellow baseball cap, and jumped in. They were splashing around like idiots and Kirk turned the music up loudly. A flock of birds on a nearby dock were startled and flew away and their splashing was killing any hope of Jasper catching a fish. Granted, actually catching fish wasn't the point of a relaxing day out, but Jasper would have rather enjoyed a day of silence and no bites than endure another second of the increasingly irritating young men.

"Would you mind keeping it down, please." Jasper was polite yet firm as he called out his request, nodding toward to "Respect Nature" sign. Brandon scoffed as he and the others got back into the boat.

No one, other than a random old man, was around and the mid-afternoon sun felt good on their bodies. The three weren't in a hurry to get dressed and stood in the warmth talking and laughing loudly. Jasper winced at the sound of a beer can being opened, the cracking noise seeming infinitely loud as it echoed through the stillness. The three friends were being way more obnoxious than necessary and were totally ignoring and increasingly agitated Jasper.

"It's a free country, old man,"

"Bugger off pops, or are you getting off watching us,"

Kirk laughed as he flexed his biceps in a mock body builder pose and shook his hips, letting his heavy large nuts bounce between his legs. All of the three boys had average builds but what they lacked in jock proportions they made up for with hubris and especially large balls. Kirk kept swinging his nuts and the other two were jeering Jasper, assuming he was just some harmless old man who would just leave. It was a miscalculation their family tree's couldn't afford.

There was an audible cracking, almost like a whip but higher pitch, as Jasper sent his line sailing toward Kirk's groin. The dumb kid instantly stopped laughing and his face contorted into a terrified scream as the hook tore into his sack. Jasper pulled back, assisted by a mechanical retractor he had installed on his special fishing pole, and Kirk's sack was torn off his body violently as the winch-like mechanism rocketed away. Jasper casually pulled the dense, heavy bag off the hook - shredding their insides - and tossed them into a bucket floating near him.

"Aaaaah!" Kirk screamed and clutched his bloody crotch.

The whole thing had been so quick that Brandon hadn't even fully comprehended what was happening before he felt an explosive, mind-blowing pain in his own nuts. Jasper had pierced straight through his fat right nut. His hands raced to save them but it was too late and his sack was ripped off with a quick, powerful yank. Jasper was quite glad he had upgraded the winch on his fishing line since Brandon's sack seemed to be especially well attached. Jasper plucked them off the hook and held the sack upside down over the bucket, letting his severed testicles fall out of their bag with a plop.

"Holy fuck!" Colin screamed and tried to shield his own big balls but he was too slow.

RIIIIIP 

Colin's family tree lost two very important fruits after Jasper expertly hooked them. The hook had gone into one nut and come clear out the other, shattering their internal structures before the winch liberated them from his body. His sack stretched the furthest before snapping like a rubber band. His nuts rocketed toward Jasper so violently that they nearly burst when they landed in Jasper's waiting hand. 

All three were howling like banshees, grabbing their bloody crotches and in utter disbelief at what had happened. Clearly this wasn't Jasper's first time; he had castrated all three of them so quickly the song playing on their radio hadn't even finished the first chorus. As the boys writhed and screamed, Jasper casually tossed Colin's plump organs into the bucket, but not before giving his right nut a horrible squeeze, not stopping until he felt a satisfying SQUICK.

Kirk was barely able to turn on the boat's motor and race back to the populated area of the lake. Jasper looked down into his bucket. It had six other pairs of juicy severed testicles not including Brandon, Kirk and Colin. He whistled to himself as he resumed fishing in peace.